[ hua cheng kneeling in front of him is... it's a lot.
seeing san lang like this brings back old memories, of being taizi dianxia, where people would kneel like this on the daily, much to his general disinterest, and it flusters him more than it should. back then, he might have just nodded, used to the behavior from anyone and anyone, but now--now, he doesn't deserve it. the idea of being something valued has been beaten out of xie lian in the past eight hundred years. every amount of pride he had is gone.
but hua cheng has made a concentrated effort to give xie lian what he needed, no matter what that was. most of the time, it was just company, something xie lian ached for more than he ever really knew. other times it was a joke to make him laugh, a cheeky remark that made him smile. sometimes it was help around puji -- a portrait, beautifully drawn for his altar, or a door, when puji didn't have one. in algos, it was much of the same. there, xie lian had fallen head over heels in love with hua cheng, and he carries the memories of that lifetime with him now. and now, again, they're here in this world, a whole other place, where san lang is there. he's always there. he prays desperately perhaps that that will never stop.
xie lian looks down at him, stopping himself from immediately trying to pull him up in embarrassment. his hand is still in san lang's, and he doesn't move it, his fingers curling gently around his hand.
(it would be so selfish of him to say too much. what about the other daozhang? what about-- what could xie lian do, just by being near him? he could destroy hua cheng, and he couldn't live with it.)
but looking at hua cheng here recalls the memories of the six weeks they've spent in this place. of all of the things they've been through. their investigations, his armory, the dreams, the scars, san lang's eye--over and over, they've been through so many things. if the daozhang will remember them all, as he's sure he will, then he can't imagine another xie lian thinking differently.
san lang is so, so important. he is someone to be cherished. a bond that xie lian wants, so badly, to be unbreakable. ]
...San Lang. [ he says, softly, and drops down next to him, to his knees, too. xie lian has not been someone to be worshipped in a long time, but maybe down here they can be equal, giving and taking from each other, learning from each other, growing together. spending time together. his san lang will -- remember this, certainly, even if it's a bit different, and xie lian will hold the terrifying fact in his chest that these little feelings that have started to develop are not just the fault of some alternate universe. they're his.
he gives the hands holding his a tiny squeeze, his face starting to take on color, as he tugs to get him to look at him. ] ...would... we should. I'd like to..
[ be direct, don't chicken out. you can do this. how is it any different from algos academy, before? ]
--if you want to, I'd like to form a red string bond with you. If you'd be willing. [ there we go. once it's out, the words start to tumble. ] I don't ask anything of you, and I don't need anything, and I know, that you'll probably end up supremely unlucky for doing so, and perhaps start running into doors or being chased by disasters but -- I said that I wanted to share with you, and I meant that, and I still do.
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seeing san lang like this brings back old memories, of being taizi dianxia, where people would kneel like this on the daily, much to his general disinterest, and it flusters him more than it should. back then, he might have just nodded, used to the behavior from anyone and anyone, but now--now, he doesn't deserve it. the idea of being something valued has been beaten out of xie lian in the past eight hundred years. every amount of pride he had is gone.
but hua cheng has made a concentrated effort to give xie lian what he needed, no matter what that was. most of the time, it was just company, something xie lian ached for more than he ever really knew. other times it was a joke to make him laugh, a cheeky remark that made him smile. sometimes it was help around puji -- a portrait, beautifully drawn for his altar, or a door, when puji didn't have one. in algos, it was much of the same. there, xie lian had fallen head over heels in love with hua cheng, and he carries the memories of that lifetime with him now. and now, again, they're here in this world, a whole other place, where san lang is there. he's always there. he prays desperately perhaps that that will never stop.
xie lian looks down at him, stopping himself from immediately trying to pull him up in embarrassment. his hand is still in san lang's, and he doesn't move it, his fingers curling gently around his hand.
(it would be so selfish of him to say too much. what about the other daozhang? what about-- what could xie lian do, just by being near him? he could destroy hua cheng, and he couldn't live with it.)
but looking at hua cheng here recalls the memories of the six weeks they've spent in this place. of all of the things they've been through. their investigations, his armory, the dreams, the scars, san lang's eye--over and over, they've been through so many things. if the daozhang will remember them all, as he's sure he will, then he can't imagine another xie lian thinking differently.
san lang is so, so important. he is someone to be cherished. a bond that xie lian wants, so badly, to be unbreakable. ]
...San Lang. [ he says, softly, and drops down next to him, to his knees, too. xie lian has not been someone to be worshipped in a long time, but maybe down here they can be equal, giving and taking from each other, learning from each other, growing together. spending time together. his san lang will -- remember this, certainly, even if it's a bit different, and xie lian will hold the terrifying fact in his chest that these little feelings that have started to develop are not just the fault of some alternate universe. they're his.
he gives the hands holding his a tiny squeeze, his face starting to take on color, as he tugs to get him to look at him. ] ...would... we should. I'd like to..
[ be direct, don't chicken out. you can do this. how is it any different from algos academy, before? ]
--if you want to, I'd like to form a red string bond with you. If you'd be willing. [ there we go. once it's out, the words start to tumble. ] I don't ask anything of you, and I don't need anything, and I know, that you'll probably end up supremely unlucky for doing so, and perhaps start running into doors or being chased by disasters but -- I said that I wanted to share with you, and I meant that, and I still do.